Drinking in the silence

The sky at 3:45 AM is royal blue and filled with light. The nearly-full moon is brilliant and close, and it chases me to the chapel where two other guests are preparing for Vigil, the first worship service of the day. We chant the psalms for about an hour (Psalms 3, 95, 73 through 85). After a bowl of Cheerios and a cup of instant coffee, we’re back for Lauds and chant a half-dozen more.

Like I said, the psalms are seeping in. I return to my little room and read the commentary on the psalms that I stuck in the suitcase. As a discipline, I’ve tried to read the commentary for each psalm that we chant in worship. That has helped to seal them in mind and heart. At this pace, I’ll finish the 400+ page book by the time I leave.

Curiously (or not), I’ve also had a short burst of creativity in musical composition. I’ve sketched out three new psalm tunes, and tinkered with a few other recent tunes. There’s no piano, and I’m reluctant to play my trusty Melodica without walking two miles down the road (which I won’t do in the 95 degree heat). But I can hear the music in my imagination today, and it’s pretty easy to write it down.

Brother Christian, the second in charge, assigned me to painting detail for my daily work. I assist Paul the “Oil Man,” who is brushing linseed oil on the exposed wood of the monastery. There’s a lot of wood, and we keep busy all morning. Much of my work is in the shade and I’m grateful. It feels good to stretch my muscles. Paul points me toward a coffee pot, where there’s a small bag of Starbucks Café Verona. Ahh! My first cup of good coffee in over a week.

We enjoy a “traditional” lunch of spaghetti and scripture, as an elderly monk in a little booth (the oratory) reads to us while we eat. He also reads a treatise on the benefits of celibacy (as if he has ever known the alternative), and that causes me to look deeply into my spaghetti sauce to keep from chuckling.

Brother Andre, the Guestmaster, has an internet connection by satellite phone. A few other guests log on. I’m tempted to check my e-mail, but don’t. I do tap out a quick note to Jamie and mention that I’m doing a lot better than when I called on Monday. Then I quickly add the first day’s journal entry to the blog.

At this point, I plan to stay until Sunday to drink in The Silence. I have come to appreciate it, to welcome it, and to seek God in the thick of it. Not that it “feels good.” Actually it’s quite disturbing at times. That’s the paradoxical beauty of it. Way out here, we are about “10” on the Inaccessibility Scale, so you have to contend with God and listen to your life.

Suffice it to say, I’ve been taking stock of who I am and what I’m called to be. It’s been a lot of work, and I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. God may be quiet, but it is clear to me that God smiles upon the world.